Parenting With Love and Logic MOBI ☆ With Love and

Parenting With Love and Logic [EPUB] ✽ Parenting With Love and Logic ❂ Foster W. Cline – This parenting book shows you how to raise selfconfident, motivated children who are ready for the real world Learn how to parent effectively while teaching your children responsibility and growing th This parenting book shows you how to raise Love and PDF ☆ selfconfident, motivated children who are ready for the real world Learn how to parent effectively while teaching your children responsibility and growing their character Establish healthy control through easytoimplement steps without anger, threats, nagging, or power struggles Indexed for easy reference.

About the Author: Foster W. Cline

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10 thoughts on “Parenting With Love and Logic

  1. Lauren Redmond Lauren Redmond says:

    I bought this book, as well as 4 other parenting books, so that I could compare a bunch of different theories and techniques and decide what spoke to me.

    I found it interesting and there was plenty that was useful, however there was a lot that I didn't agree with. I think that there are a lot of responses to children that they call Logical consequences that I call punishment all dressed up in disguise. I don't know how this couldn't come across as inauthentic to children and get more annoying to them as they get older. I was disturbed by the idea of the option that if children aren't behaving than maybe they are choosing to be shut in their rooms with a towel between the door and the door jam to keep the door essentially locked shut. This would be very traumatic for my toddler and it isn't at all the message that I want to send. I also don't think that I could send my child to daycare or school without clothes or outside on a cold day without a coat if they weren't ready on time, etc. However, I am sure there will come a time when using such a method will be useful. When I was in HS, I had to pay for a cab to school when I missed the school bus. That was a reasonable and effective logical consequence.

    I recommend Positive Discipline, which incorporates logical consequences, but they aren't just punishments in disguise, and it seems to me to be a much more compassionate way to parent.

  2. Christine Christine says:

    This book advocates parenting methods that, if followed, could in some cases amount to child abuse/neglect. For example, the book suggests that if a two-year-old doesn't behave appropriately at dinner, the parents should deny him food until morning. The authors also suggest that if a 6-month-old throws his bottle, the parents should withhold it until the next meal! At least one thing advocated by the authors is actually illegal. They assert that it is the child's problem (not the parents' problem) if the child flunks because of constantly arriving late to school. Making sure that the kids get to school actually is the parents' legal responsibility; they can be prosecuted when the kids don't go. The authors allege that they intend to respect kids by giving them choices, but the choices suggested in this book and the sample dialogues between parents and children sound contrived and demeaning, never respectful. The suggested dialogues with toddlers are just ridiculous --- these people must not have spent much time with their own kids when they were toddlers or they would know that no toddler would understand the speeches that they suggest. Finally, the tone of this book is that parents must be at constant war with their children, always thinking about how to outsmart them, which I think is a terrible approach to parenting.

  3. Carrie Carrie says:

    I really wanted to like this book. I strongly agree with the philosophy of giving children logical consequences rather than engaging in power struggles and shouting matches, or just parenting by incessant nagging without follow-through (yes, guilty). But frankly I found a lot of their practical tips completely unrealistic and therefore of limited usefulness.

    For instance:
    Bedtime, like many other control issues, can be defused by giving up control. Parents tend to underestimate children's need for just a tiny bit of control [...] all they want is a little control, not the whole enchilada.

    So far, so good. Give the child limited control. He has to stay in his room, but he may have the door open or closed, light on or off, music on or off, be in bed or out of bed, sleep or not sleep. You give him the *opportunity* to get as much sleep as he needs, but you can't force him to sleep. Makes sense. But then:

    [The child who hasn't had enough sleep] is going to be one obnoxious little dude in the morning. [...] It's the obnoxiousness we consequence, not the number of hours he sleeps. Say to the child, 'You need to spend more time in your room because you're cranky.' The child will probably say, 'Well, I didn't get enough sleep last night.' [emphasis mine] And your reply? 'Good thinking.' The lesson will hit home.

    Okay ... has any child, anywhere, ever acknowledged that they were emotional, moody, and overreacting because they were tired? Many adults won't even acknowledge this. In my experience, suggesting to a fraught child that they may be getting angry because they're tired just brings an increased frenzy. I am NOT tired, I'm angry because YOU'RE THE MEANEST MOTHER IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD! (exact quote)

    On temper tantrums: Kids will throw tantrums only as long as they work. Kids never seem to scream and pound the floor when they're alone in their room, but the show goes on when they have a captive audience. This is laughably, demonstrably false. It would be hilarious -- except that it's so widely believed that it creates a pernicious judgmentalism among the relatives of those of us with rage-prone children. I know for a fact that our daughter's grandparents believe she throws tantrums only because we clearly must give in and let her have her way when she screams -- though they've never observed us doing this (because we don't).

    How to keep kids in their rooms: If I can't change his behavior, I change the location. Send him to his room, of course. But how to enforce that? [A]void physically carrying the child to his room. [...] When the child is around age two, a statement -- 'I want you go to go your room, and I want you to go now -- spoken firmly and with index finger pointing toward the room will usually get results.

    Do these people actually have children? Well, reading on, they do acknowledge that you may need to then shut and lock the door to get the child to stay in the room. Yes, that's way better than physically carrying the child to his room. My kids don't even have doors on their rooms, so yeah, not going to happen.

    Another helpful tip: if your child frequently wakes you in the night because he is frightened or having trouble sleeping, call a babysitter and go sleep at a hotel for the night! Maybe multiple nights! The babysitter, who has been prepped in advance, is supposed to make helpful conversation with the child, such as implying that if the child continues to get up in the night, the parents may spend every night away from home. If the child wakes the babysitter in the night, she is supposed to say I don't know what to do with kids who get up in the middle of the night, because I don't know any kids who do that, and go back to sleep. Right, that'll probably work.

    Many of their solutions, in fact, involve bringing in friends or accomplices who have been prepped with lines or roles to play, which always puts me in mind of the one-armed friend from Arrested Development ... And that's why you always leave a note!

  4. Kim Kim says:

    I realize that in some circles this book has a stong following, but I found it to be one of the most bizarre parenting books I've ever read...emphasis on talking sweetly and enforcing natural consequences, but in a twisted eye-for-an-eye way. Some of the examples were outright alarming.


    Authors advocate a one-size-fits-all parenting approach – I was disappointed to read that they do not consider “why” a child is doing what they’re doing (nor are parents encouraged to figure out why). In brief, parents should just stop talking and dole out the consequences. For example, if a child is misbehaving in a restaurant, the authors recommend removing the child from the table and giving them a choice of walking or being carried out. On the surface, that may seem fine, but it’s still important to consider WHY the child is misbehaving! Is she overtired? Hungry because the service is slow? Bored because her parents forgot to bring anything to occupy her? All of these possible explanations are the parents’ responsibility if the child is young, and could be avoided with planning and consideration. Removing the child to the car “until they can be sweet again” doesn’t address the root cause of the behavior, nor does it sufficiently explain expectations (e.g. “In a restaurant I expect you to sit still and use a quiet voice.) I could go on & on with examples I found oversimplified – each was heavy on the consequence but light on the teaching. In their six step “Uh-Oh Song” approach, the authors actually go so far as to say, “Parent should not, and need not, talk with the child about the problem.”

    I’ve read many books that share the same objective as these authors, but others provide more thoughtful, well-reasoned guidance. Recommendations include the “Positive Discipline” series, anything by the authors of “How to Talk So Your Kid will Listen,” Kurchinka’s two great books (1) Spirited Child and 2) Power Struggles). I also recommend Barbara Caruso’s, “Kids are Worth It.” It has several of the same goals as these authors (teaching kids to be responsible, decision-making individuals), but Caruso’s book actually helps parents teach their kids to develop these skills, as opposed to letting external consequences be the only guidance.

  5. midnightfaerie midnightfaerie says:

    I loved this book, but in the end couldn't give it more than 3 stars, probably closer to a 3.5. First of all, it has some absolutely wonderful tips on parenting children. Giving children choices instead of losing your cool, and putting the ball in their court, making them be the one to have to make a choice, really is a great construct if you can remember to put it into practice. Then there was the whole section on money that I loved, talking about helping your children manage their own finances from a very young age. It gave great tips and reminded you to not micromanage, letting them spending it how they wanted, even if it was giving the money to a sibling to do their chores. That's their prerogative. But finding instances where they are responsible for their own money management was a little harder for me. I homeschool and so I can't take their suggestion of making my child pay for his own school lunches. Besides letting them learn their lesson and go hungry when they forget the money was a little to far fetched for me. Especially at a such a young age - my one son is 5 yrs old and my twins are 2 yrs old.

    This was another issue I had with the book. I had generally younger kids and it seemed like a lot of the advice was geared toward slightly older kids. Sure they mentioned a few times that their was advice for both, and you had to do some discerning, however I would have liked that they be a little more specific, maybe dividing the book into sections for different age ranges and what was applicable for all age ranges.

    Then there's the issue of just letting them fail and dealing with the consequences. To a certain extent this is possible, but I'm not sure it's always the best solution. Again a lot depends on the age ranges as well. If we tell a child he should touch a knife, or he'll cut himself and then just sit back and wait, a ten year old might be smart enough to listen, but a two year old could just as easily disregard your advice, not understanding the adult is trying to keep them safe. They kind of insinuate anyone who doesn't agree just wasn't brought up this way and isn't used to it. But I think there's something to be said for parental instinct as well. I can't tell you how many times I went against a doctor's advice when my gut was telling me something else, and every time I felt I ended up doing the right thing. It's the old adage a mom knows best.

    In the end, I still think this book has some merit. It has come great principles and methods for parents who are struggling with different behavioral problems or are at their wits end. It will give you a new way of looking at things and there's nothing wrong with any parent trying to get better at parenting. But don't ignore that parental voice in your head if it's telling you something else. Often it's coming from a sense only you can see and feel.

  6. Beth Beth says:

    I have mixed feelings about this book.

    Here’s what I liked about this book:

    * The emphasis on consequences. It makes sense that, in order to learn about the real world, children should be allowed to experience consequences (within reason) so they can alter their behavior. And consequences cannot be given unless choices are also offered, within reason. I agree with that, too.

    * Also, I loved that they pointed out several times how important it is to model good behavior for your children. I wholeheartedly agree!

    And now, the juicy stuff. Here’s what I didn’t like:

    * I’m a mom to a two-year-old, not a teenager — but they rarely seem to preface which age bracket would apply to certain scenarios. Obviously, the section titled “Pacifiers” was meant for toddlers (and thank HEAVENS Logan weaned off the pacifier a few months ago, or I probably would have ended up in tears over that chapter), but as for some of the other situations, I wasn’t sure. There is a specific “Love and Logic” book geared especially for toddlers, but it’s not at my public library, and after reading this one I’m not sure I want to hunt it down.

    * Also, some of the sample dialogue of a parent with a child was hard to read without sarcasm — hardly very “loving.” They did warn against sarcasm in a chapter tucked away in the middle of the book, but to avoid it completely might be hard for parents. Phrases like “gee, son, I’m sorry that you got a D on your report card; that’s a real bummer” or “nice try, son, but you’ll have to think of another solution” could be said with love, but just parroting the book isn’t going to cut it (in fact, it could easily morph into one of the most unloving things you could say). Maybe this says more about me than about the book, but a lot of that sample dialogue made the parents out to be snide and manipulative.

    * Lastly: I don’t really agree with how they say we should teach our kids about money. I went to a class during BYU Education Week that was a little off-beat on the whole allowance issue, saying that kids need less emphasis on learning money management and more emphasis on learning generosity. I tend to agree with that school of thought (though how exactly I want to implement that, I’m not sure yet). This book, though, took the money management thing to the extreme. Example: kids who wouldn’t eat what was made for dinner are consequently allowed to help themselves to something from the fridge — but ONLY if they paid for the food out of their allowances. I guess the thinking is that that the parents had already paid for one meal as part of their parental duties.

    There are some good ideas to be taken from this book, but I think the kind of parent who would pick this book up is the parent who’s already doing a lot of the “good stuff” and probably doesn’t need a book to pick up on it.

  7. Carmelle Carmelle says:

    In all fairness, had I written this review a couple weeks ago immediately after I read it, I probably would have given this book 3 stars. But since then, the points of contention for me have continued to annoy me, therefor Jim and Foster, I bestow only 2 little stars for you. I realize this book has great following and is perhaps the Child Raising Bible to many, however, I obviously was not sold.
    The premise of this book is that children learn from mistakes. The natural consequences that occur from their actions teach the child to continue or change their behavior. Example: A child touches a hot stove. The painful heat teaches the child not to do that again. No parent involvement was necessary. As parents, we counsel children, assisting them to see the problem at hand and brainstorm solutions for it. Then we stay hands off in the follow through. Owning the problem teaches them responsibility.
    Some points I agree with:
    As parents, we need to be counselors to our children
    We should resist controlling our children's every decision
    Children learn responsibility from mistakes
    If we do not allow them to fail, they will not learn to succeed
    Natural consequences are valuable
    Some points I do not agree with:

    My first issue came at the beginning of the book, as the authors gave their own testimonials to their theories, telling the readers that if anything in the book seems to ruffle our feathers or that our gut reaction disagrees, it is simply because this is not how we were raised, and because we want to be enlightened to a better way, we need to push aside those feelings of discomfort and believe the book. Ok, does this bring to mind The Emperor's New Clothes to anyone else? (The only people to question anything must be stupid, now who wants to speak up?? And all the (wise) adults stand by praising the (non) clothes of the Emperor in the parade...) I guess I just have gripes with someone (even a reputable author) telling me that my intuition or gut feelings are wrong and to blindly follow their expert advise. (I have no idea where my stubborn children got it from...) But really, I believe that we are given intuition and feelings to guide our lives, including regarding what we read.
    As parents, our role is solely to be counselors to our children (not said in so many words, but all examples, etc. led me to believe the authors truly end parental responsibility with counseling and advising.) To me, counseling is one of many parental roles. And that role heightens as the child matures. This book seemed to neglect the roles of modeling and training, but instead just threw the kids out into the world to learn from one painful mistake after another. The authors advocate stepping in only at cost of loss of limb or life. I believe there are also other consequences with a price tag too high to risk.
    Some mistakes may eventually be learned through natural consequences, but what if that same lesson could have been learned in a much more timely manner without sacrificing years to the lesson. You can't get those years back.
    Not all correct choices feel good, and not all bad choices feel bad. Sometimes we sacrifice external rewards in making the better choice. If we rely soley on others' reactions, we may succeed in some people's eyes in the short run. But really, can anyone please everyone? And should that be our goal? Of course not. So to teach our children to measure their success in such a way is ludicrous.

  8. Kay Kay says:

    This book encourages parents to be mean, authoritarian and bordering on abusive. It advises parents run a boot camp for their children to learn to be responsible using trickery and sarcasm. I suspect this book appeals to those with certain values different from mine, and I feel sorry for their children. Much of the language encouraged by the book was disrespectful towards the children. For instance, ina demonstration, without warning the mom gave away a girl's puppy because she wasn't taking care of it (according to the parent's standards), when the girl begged the mom to go bring it back, the mother said,You must be kidding...I just took the dog over there. Now I'm supposed to bring her back? Do you think I'm an idiot? My jaw dropped! I had made an agreement with myself to finish this book to glean something useful from it, but now I am afraid of absorbing any of its principles. I do not recommend this book, and am saddened it has received such a good review.

  9. Holly Holly says:

    There are a lot of great techniques in this book, but some that I question. It seems that the object of L&L parenting is to be constantly teaching the child a lesson. I think that sometimes going out of your way to teach them a lesson is artificial and even on occasion harsh. I think about the way our Father in Heaven would parent us. He allows us to suffer the consequences of our mistakes but doesn't rub it in, or set us up for failure.

    Having listened to a number of L&L cds and read a couple of the books I also feel that the authors have a very limited number of lessons to teach, they just keep repackaging them in order to make more money. I have a limited tolerance for parenting experts who are so self-promoting.

  10. Matthew Richey Matthew Richey says:

    Mixed feelings. I think there are some good foundational principles and techniques, but lacking grace.

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