Siblings Without Rivalry PDF Ö Siblings Without


10 thoughts on “Siblings Without Rivalry

  1. Tamara Tamara says:

    Siblings Without Rivalry How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live TooI am going to record my notes, so I have a place to keep them When siblings complaining, just try and repeat back what they are saying helps them understand and validate feelings If younger child gets pushed down accidentally, say, Oh know you didn t want that to happen, you were having so much fun together reminds of good relationship Write signs on kids to remind the older sibling ex When I scream Siblings Without Rivalry How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live TooI am going to record my notes, so I have a place to keep them When siblings complaining, just try and repeat back what they are saying helps them understand and validate feelings If younger child gets pushed down accidentally, say, Oh know you didn t want that to happen, you were having so much fun together reminds of good relationship Write signs on kids to remind the older sibling ex When I scream, it means I m not having fun Main rule for fighting is STAY OUT OF IT But if you have to intervene 1 Acknowledge anger for each side2 Then listen to them further explain why they are angry3 Appreciate their both sides4 Express faith in their ability to work it out a fair solition 5 Walk away Treat kids unigquly, not equally I love you the same I love you because you are you Give equal amounts of food Do you want a little or a lot Make sure time is equal I know I am spending a lot of time with your sister because it is important to her When I am done, I want to hear what is important to you When kids name calling or hitting You sound mad, but I expect you to confront your brother without using names, or hitting Rather than hitting him, go his this pillow, or show me on this dall, or draw a picture Insisting on good feelings between children leads to bad feelings Allowing bad feelings between children lead to good feelings


  2. Francisco Herrero Francisco Herrero says:

    This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers To view it, click here An easy to read book that is filled with valuable practical advice from workshops Sometimes it sounds as if the prescriptions are too obvious and easy However they are hard to implement consistently and correct previous behavioral habits Can t talk about the implementation yet but the book is easy too read, illustrated with fun cartoons and is consistently praised by parents.As an only child who now has a son and a daughter I found it interesting to understandabout siblings relationship An easy to read book that is filled with valuable practical advice from workshops Sometimes it sounds as if the prescriptions are too obvious and easy However they are hard to implement consistently and correct previous behavioral habits Can t talk about the implementation yet but the book is easy too read, illustrated with fun cartoons and is consistently praised by parents.As an only child who now has a son and a daughter I found it interesting to understandabout siblings relationships and how to try to be a good parent for both The book is written to be followed like a parenting workshop.BROTHERS AND SISTERS NEED TO HAVE THEIR FEELINGS ABOUT EACH OTHER ACKNOWLEDGEDChild I m gonna kill him He took my new skates.With words that identify the feeling You sound furious or With wishes You wish he d ask before using your things or With symbolic or creative activity How would you feel about making a Private Property sign and hanging it on your closet door CHILDREN NEED TO HAVE THEIR HURTFUL ACTIONS STOPPED Hold it People are not for hurting AND SHOWN HOW TO DISCHARGE ANGRY FEELINGS ACCEPTABLY Tell him with words how angry you are Tell him, I don t want my skates used without my permission RESIST THE URGE TO COMPAREInstead of comparing one child unfavorably to another, Why can t you hang up your clothes like your brother speak to the child only about the behavior that displeases you.Describe what you see I see a brand new jacket on the floor or Describe what you feel That bothers me or Describe what needs to be done This jacket belongs in the closet Instead of comparing one child favorably to another You re so much neater than your brother speak only about the behavior that pleases you Describe what you see I see you hung up your jacket or Describe what you feel I appreciate that I like seeing our hallway looking neat CHILDREN DON T NEED TO BE TREATED EQUALLY THEY NEED TO BE TREATED UNIQUELY.Instead of giving equal amounts Here, now you have just as many grapes as your sister Give according to individual need Do you want a few grapes, or a big bunch Instead of showing equal love I love you the same as your sister Show the child he or she is loved uniquely You are the only you in the whole wide world No one could ever take your place Instead of giving equal time After I ve spent ten minutes with your sister, I ll spend ten minutes with you Give time according to need I know I m spending a lot of time going over your sister s composition It s important to her As soon as I m finished, I want to hear what s important to you LET NO ONE LOCK A CHILD INTO A ROLENot his parents Instead of Johnny, did you hide your brother s ball Why are you always so mean Parent Your brother wants his ball back.Not the child himself Johnny I know I m mean Parent You re also capable of being kind.Not his brothers or sisters Sister Johnny, you re mean Daddy, he won t lend me his scotch tape Parent Try asking him differently You may be surprised at how generous he can be.If Johnny Attacks his Brother, Attend to the Brother Without Attacking Johnny Parent That must hurt Let me rub it Johnny needs to learn how to express his feelings with words, not fists CHILDREN WITH PROBLEMS DO NOT NEED TO BE VIEWED AS PROBLEM CHILDREN.They do need Acceptance of their frustration This isn t easy It can be frustrating Appreciation for what they have accomplished, however imperfect You got a lot closer that time Help in focusing on solutions This is tough What do you do in a case like this HOW TO HANDLE THE FIGHTINGLevel I Normal Bickering.1 Ignore it Think about your next vacation.2 Tell yourself the children are having an important experience in conflict resolution.Level II Situation Heating up Adult Intervention Might Be Helpful1 Acknowledge their anger You two sound mad at each other 2 Reflect each child s point of view So Sara, you want to keep on holding the puppy, because he s just settled down in your arms And you Billy, feel you re entitled to a turn too 3 Describe the problem with respect That s a tough one Two children and only one puppy 4 Express confidence in the children s ability to find their own solution I have confidence that you two can work out a solution that s fair to each of youand fair to the puppy 5 Leave the room.Level III Situation Possibly Dangerous.1 Inquire Is this a play fight or a real fight Play fights are permitted Real fights are not 2 Let the children know Play fighting by mutual consent only If it s not fun for both, it s got to stop 3 Respect your feelings You may be playing, but it s too rough for me You need to find another activity Level IV Situation Definitely Dangerous Adult Intervention Necessary.1 Describe what you see I see two very angry children who are about to hurt each other 2 Separate the children It s not safe to be together We must have a cooling off period Quick, you to your room, and you to yours WHEN THE CHILDREN CAN T WORK OUT A PROBLEM BY THEMSELVES1 Call a meeting of the antagonists Explain the purpose and the ground rules.2 Write down each child s feelings and concerns, and read them aloud.3 Allow time for rebuttal.4 Invite everyone to come up with solutions Write down all ideas without evaluating.5 Decide upon the solutions you all can live with.6 Follow up A Quick ReminderHOW TO GIVE SUPPORT TO THE CHILD WHO ASKS FOR IT WITHOUT TAKING SIDESJimmy Daddy, I can t finish my map for school Make her give me the crayons Amy No I have to color my flower.1 State each child s case Let me get this straight Jimmy, you need the crayons to finish your homework And Amy, you want to finish coloring 2 State the value or rule Homework assignments get top priority 3 Leave the doorway open for the possibility of negotiation But Jimmy, if you want to work something out with your sister, that s up to you 4 Leave


  3. Laura Laura says:

    Eh, it was okay I know I said I liked it, but it s really because it did what it promised to do gave me a few things to try in my home to help my children get along better with each other Not trying to treat kids equally, spending quality time with each, helping them problems solve good information, crappy format and perspective.The writing was literally painful for two reasons First, the discussion format got old after about page 3, and second I take serious issue with the analogy of Eh, it was okay I know I said I liked it, but it s really because it did what it promised to do gave me a few things to try in my home to help my children get along better with each other Not trying to treat kids equally, spending quality time with each, helping them problems solve good information, crappy format and perspective.The writing was literally painful for two reasons First, the discussion format got old after about page 3, and second I take serious issue with the analogy of my havingthan one child as analogous to my husband takingthan one wife I know those gripes basically cover the entire backbone of the book, but here s my thing I refuse to belive kids are just innately at each other s throats and that life is just that hard for them because they have a sibling I m sorry, but I don t feel guilty for having four children and I d prefer a perspective that helps kids feel grateful to be part of a wonderful family instead of one that has parents trying to figure out how to compensate for the sorrow that is another child


  4. Vonette Vonette says:

    There is some helpful info here, and it reads quickly But the writing style got on my nerves after about 3 chapters It s written in a pseudo narrative format including dialogue, told from the point of view of the leader of a group of parents who are learning how to help their children get along The dialogue sounds canned and repetitive The note at the beginning makes it clear that the whole narrative is fictionalized based on true experiences of real parents but after awhile it all starts There is some helpful info here, and it reads quickly But the writing style got on my nerves after about 3 chapters It s written in a pseudo narrative format including dialogue, told from the point of view of the leader of a group of parents who are learning how to help their children get along The dialogue sounds canned and repetitive The note at the beginning makes it clear that the whole narrative is fictionalized based on true experiences of real parents but after awhile it all starts to feel canned Though I found the book helpful in many ways, it is clearly a product of its 1980 s origins The idea that negative emotions can be effectively dealt with by taking out your anger on a pillow for example It s a bit simplistic Still, there is good advice mixed in there This book could offer some help to any parent who hasthan one child


  5. Rebecca Rebecca says:

    September 28, 2011At the rate we re going, some of us won t make it out alive It could be me It could be one of the girls Or both of them Or all three of us Desperate times Hoping for a miracle here.October 4, 2011I don t know how many stars to give this book, because I haven t fully put it to the test yet Four for now I ve tried a few little changes and they ve actually helped tremendously But I m trying to not get too excited I ll come back and update in a month or so This is the September 28, 2011At the rate we re going, some of us won t make it out alive It could be me It could be one of the girls Or both of them Or all three of us Desperate times Hoping for a miracle here.October 4, 2011I don t know how many stars to give this book, because I haven t fully put it to the test yet Four for now I ve tried a few little changes and they ve actually helped tremendously But I m trying to not get too excited I ll come back and update in a month or so This is the kind of book I have to read through once, then go back and go chapter by chapter, adding changes a little at a time At this point, I m impressed and I can absolutely see how a few changes will make a huge difference.Favorite sections of the book Siblings in Roles Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Especially pages 143 144 which summarize the four levels of fighting bickering, heating up, possibly dangerous, definitely dangerous and what to do in each level The cartoon dad in super short shorts on pages 132 133 Awesome


  6. Ricki Ricki says:

    I didn t feel that there was much new material here that wasn t already in How to Talk So Kids Will Listen Listen So Kids Will Talk Some of it kinda felt like a no brainer.There is also one definite problem I was reading an older copy and maybe this is fixed in newer editions, but this book advises the reader to ask their child to show their aggression to a surrogate object such as by punching a doll in lieu of a sibling Supposedly, this enables the parent to show the child that they acce I didn t feel that there was much new material here that wasn t already in How to Talk So Kids Will Listen Listen So Kids Will Talk Some of it kinda felt like a no brainer.There is also one definite problem I was reading an older copy and maybe this is fixed in newer editions, but this book advises the reader to ask their child to show their aggression to a surrogate object such as by punching a doll in lieu of a sibling Supposedly, this enables the parent to show the child that they accept the child s feelings, but not their actions of violence toward a real person However, psychology studies have proved by now that letting out anger by venting or punching a pillow does not actually diminish or dissipate aggression and anger, but rather strengthens those feelings and draws them out longer Therefore, on this topic, the book is completely wrong Instead, we need to teach our kids calming down skills


  7. Lewis Manalo Lewis Manalo says:

    This book probably isn t 100% useless, but it s pretty damn near It takes for granted that our children have no minds of their own, and that as parents we are almost entirely responsible for who our kids grow up to be The early chapters use a ridiculous polygamy metaphor to try to illustrate how children feel about siblings, depicting jealousy as the only emotion two people loved by the same person could feel for one another The book offers nothing other than anecdotal evidence for the so This book probably isn t 100% useless, but it s pretty damn near It takes for granted that our children have no minds of their own, and that as parents we are almost entirely responsible for who our kids grow up to be The early chapters use a ridiculous polygamy metaphor to try to illustrate how children feel about siblings, depicting jealousy as the only emotion two people loved by the same person could feel for one another The book offers nothing other than anecdotal evidence for the solutions and attitudes that it offers, and even most of the anecdotes aren t conclusive The book fails to address the fact that people outside of the home will also interact with siblings You don t have to be a parent to compare siblings or to favor one over the other Worst of all, in assuming that our children are a direct result of how we treat them the book relieves kids of any kind of responsibility for their behavior Kids will act in ridiculous ways whether they have siblings or not, and owning up to the consequences of their actions is part of growing up


  8. Diana Diana says:

    This book almost made me cry and I don t cry easily for books Just reading hearing the words coming out of parents mouths from the examples in the book, from parents around me, and from myself and then seeing the contrast described in the book was an indescribable experience for me.I would wager that the vast majority of us have specific issues, big or small, because of the labeling whether implied or said outloud, from our parents It is amazing how much trauma this causes This is something This book almost made me cry and I don t cry easily for books Just reading hearing the words coming out of parents mouths from the examples in the book, from parents around me, and from myself and then seeing the contrast described in the book was an indescribable experience for me.I would wager that the vast majority of us have specific issues, big or small, because of the labeling whether implied or said outloud, from our parents It is amazing how much trauma this causes This is something that I was spared from, in a way, because my mother was very intentional about not comparing me with my brother However, she also didn t know how to encourage us to be ourselves and the things she they didn t say makes a huge difference.It s one thing to avoid comparing, it s great in fact However it s a completely different thing to pro actively say things to encourage children to be who they are and to be the best at that as they can be Many parents don t know how to do this and this book lays out fundamentals that I can try to model to the best of my ability


  9. Melanie Melanie says:

    3.5 5 stars, rounded up to 4.Does it work I don t know perhaps if my flying monkeys had read it, the strategies would beeffective, butI mtrying to implement them so we ll see.It reinforces all the things one learns at parenting courses about making sure your child is heard, and has their feelings acknowledged I skipped over the last section of adults telling stories about their own childhood, and how damaged they became by their parents less than spectacular parenting cause 3.5 5 stars, rounded up to 4.Does it work I don t know perhaps if my flying monkeys had read it, the strategies would beeffective, butI mtrying to implement them so we ll see.It reinforces all the things one learns at parenting courses about making sure your child is heard, and has their feelings acknowledged I skipped over the last section of adults telling stories about their own childhood, and how damaged they became by their parents less than spectacular parenting cause I don t need to relive all that stuff either It s a little condescending at times, and the strategy of simply ignoring the bickering could force me to become an alcoholic by the time my three daughters are all teenagers, but if nothing else, I at least feel like my family s actually pretty normal, and we re doing ok Except for the wine consumption Hubby s away the next couple of weekends so i may be back to edit thiswish me luck


  10. Andrea Thorpe Andrea Thorpe says:

    This was a really easy read and I got a lot out of it I think the biggest challenge for me is to stay out of my boys fights and not create a triangle This book helped cure me of that This topic is a work in progress It reminded me that sibling rivalry is a natural part of growing up And, that not taking sides brings them closer together, because they don t feel that mom is giving one of them preferential treatment This book is filled with anecdotal evidence and stories from people that are This was a really easy read and I got a lot out of it I think the biggest challenge for me is to stay out of my boys fights and not create a triangle This book helped cure me of that This topic is a work in progress It reminded me that sibling rivalry is a natural part of growing up And, that not taking sides brings them closer together, because they don t feel that mom is giving one of them preferential treatment This book is filled with anecdotal evidence and stories from people that are parenting through the scars left with them since their own childhoods It was a very interesting read


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Siblings Without Rivalry [Ebook] ➨ Siblings Without Rivalry Author Adele Faber – Natus-physiotherapy.co.uk An examination of one of the toughest problems that parents have to handle It seeks to give personal advice to parents with humour and understanding An examination of one of the toughest problems that parents have to handle It seeks to give personal advice to parents with humour and understanding.

  • Paperback
  • 272 pages
  • Siblings Without Rivalry
  • Adele Faber
  • English
  • 23 September 2019
  • 0380799006

About the Author: Adele Faber

Adele Faber graduated from Queens College with a BA in theater and drama, earned her master s degree in education from New York University, and taught in the New York City high schools for eight years before joining the faculty of the New School for Social Research in New York and Family Life Institute of CW Post College of Long Siblings Without Kindle - Island University She is the mother of three children.