Cutting Loose: An Adult's Guide to Coming to Terms with

9 thoughts on “Cutting Loose: An Adult's Guide to Coming to Terms with Your Parents

  1. Lauren Lauren says:

    I recommend reading this book after reading Susan Forward's Toxic Parents to get a nice combination of understanding toxic family dynamics and developing specific strategies to interact with family going forward

  2. Dottie Dottie says:

    Recognizing the songs and dances which entangle us within our families and learning new music and new dances or even to just let go and refuse to dance in order to survive and grow This is the best of the self help books I've encoutnered over time practical and non judgemental and very workable solutions

  3. Nika Nika says:

    When I started reading the book I was sure I would rate it with 5 starsHere is why I give it only two The author was wirting on extreme cases of family relationships and sometimes your true situation can be only a glimps of what he was writing about but that does not mean you don't want to work on itThe style of writing which was always addressing the reader seemed to me a bit too personal since you might not indentify with those extreme cases The book is based on typesgroups of moms dads families etc To some extent you can say there are some people who act like XYZ but I think it's complicated than grouping behaviors and naming them There are several models of working in psychotheraphy and I don't necessary agree with this one although I did not see under what model is he making his statmentsI was not sure why the groups that he presented in the book were picked Perhaps randomly or they are the most common onesSo those are some key reasons for only two stars It was for me too confusing and I wish the structure would be clear

  4. Carol Keefer Carol Keefer says:

    This was a recommended read from my psychotherapist that told me how to not continue in the familial role I grew up in Of course my family of origin said I was self centered to not continue as the family scapegoat I need healthy boundaries I had internalized a lot of guilt and shame to play the scapegoat and wasn't at all happy in that role

  5. Greg Talbot Greg Talbot says:

    We're adults We've got the credentials and scars to show for it Such beginnings the analysis by Halpern and his no BS conversation with the reader He uses his metaphor of the dance the behaviors we exhibit when we're with our family; including dependencies clownish behavior feelings of inadeuacy and unresolved conflicts It's a family danceReally liked Halpern's tackling the idea that your parents are not always the nurturing guiding forces in our life that we'd like One of the big tackaways for me is that by looking at the child within your parent or anyone really you can take a compassionate view moving forward The book feels comforting even as it gets increaingly alarmingly talking toward some uncomfortable subjects and existential uestions But it tackles the subject marvelously

  6. Jack Oughton Jack Oughton says:

    This book can help you understand and possibly modify the toxic family dynamics that so many of us unconsciously fall into when dealing with our parents Howard refers to these as 'songs and dances' and has over 35 years professional experience in helping people deal with themHe identifies various patterns of 'dance' your mileage may vary and your very own situation may not be represented here nevertheless seeing examples of other people dealing with it can help you consider your own situation and how to address it It made me a little uncomfortable at points in a good way It all brings to mind that Philip Larkin poemThey fuck you up your mum and dad They may not mean to but they do They fill you with the faults they had And add some extra just for you

  7. Suzie Suzie says:

    There are some good tips in here for dealing with people who you have been around a lot but get in a certain negative role with on a regular basis It was written in the 70s so there are some comments about the origin of people's sexuality that may rub you the wrong way If anyone tries to give you problems about reading this you should know it basically counsels being respectful and patient and regards the other people's feelings but also counts in your own need to assert yourself and your own feelings

  8. Evan East Evan East says:

    This was an illuminating book that helped me to see the different toxic ways in which my parents relate to me and I to them as well as the price that I'm paying for it I will read it again as I keep becoming and independent from them emotionally and financially

  9. China China says:

    Great book very helpful

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